Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
