you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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