Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
