Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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