haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had sex on a roof
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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