I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
