hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
