If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
