yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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