Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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