I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
