Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
