i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
