once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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