Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
