I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She's just so happy...and so naked.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
