K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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