the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
