So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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