the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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