i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
