Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
