Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
