Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
