I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
