Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
