Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
