Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
