I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
