with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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