oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
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