my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it's great music for shaving your balls
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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