Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
