i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
