peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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