I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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