Can Purell be used as lube?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
