Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
