So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
