i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
