dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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