i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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