i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
