Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
