I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
