I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
