Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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