My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
