So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
