Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
