I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
