Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That's how pantless uber rides happen
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
