Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
